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Post By Visionary doesn't have 12 stories, so other people better pick up the slack Tue Dec 05, 2006 at 11:43:56 pm EST |
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The Twelve Stories of Christmas: #1 "Fleabot's Gift" (repost) | |
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Mid-December, 2004: The Lair Mansion sub-basement lab #215 “It’s blue” Visionary noted. “So?” Fleabot responded irritably while wiring himself up to Hallie’s mainframe. “I’ve just never seen a blue one before” Visionary responded. “I like it” Hallie complimented graciously, brushing a green lock behind her ear. “It’s… different.” “Is it wearing welding goggles?” Visionary asked with curiosity, as he circled the half-finished cat robot. “They’re just place holders…” Fleabot argued defensively as he made the last of the connections and prepared to start the download. “I actually found this guy on the internet named Larry… good credentials… Says he and his assistants the Daryls make exceptionally good eyes.” Visionary shuddered visibly. “I’d stick with the goggles.” “Why?” Hallie asked. “Well, um… It, ah… emphasizes the fact that it’s a robo-cat... That way PETA won’t think we’ve been dunking kittens in Ty-D-Bowl.” “I’ll take it under advisement” Fleabot responded flatly. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to separate and copy the algorithms from my own brain that will make up the cat’s higher cognitive functions… This isn’t easy, you know.” “I’m helping” Hallie smiled happily. “In fact, that should just about do it.” “From your own brain?” Visionary asked, surprised. He pondered the blue feline thoughtfully. “That’s going to be one sarcastic kitty.” “You don’t think I’d make a good cat?” Fleabot shot back. “Apparently, you’d make a blue one. In fact, I’m pretty sure you did.” Visionary carefully prodded the synthetic fur with a finger just to make sure this wasn’t some elaborate holographic joke. “Who is this for again?” “Gloria” “Do I know her?” “I have a life of my own, you know. I know lots of people.” “It’s true. There was that photograph of him riding Gwyneth Paltrow’s shoulder at Cannes” Hallie allowed. ”Yeah, the big jet-setter” Visionary noted gruffly. “What with the Idiom in Badripoor, and little girls in Hell’s Bathroom, and now secretly building techno-kitties… He’s an awfully busy guy. I should have made an appointment to see him.” “Oh, well excuse me…” Fleabot responded tartly. “You’ll just have to go back to the comfort of your nine slave girls, or your juvenile delinquent students, or your little world-famous space-faring team now that you’ve put in your appearance for the month with little ol’ me...” “Are you two freaking kidding me?” Hallie interjected before Visionary could respond. “You’re both jealous that the other is too busy with new people? And despite the endless bitching for the last few months from each of you, you can’t figure it out enough to just go and do something fun?” She snorted before blinking out of sight to attend to other matters. “Idiots.” Visionary stared at the space where the holographic woman had been standing. “Well, that seemed unfair.” “I thought so” Fleabot agreed. “Here we are, having a perfectly civil conversation…” “Really.” Visionary shrugged and turned back to the cat. “So what will you be calling him?” “Well, right now he’s generically encoded as a Synthetic Feline-- Protective Urban Reactionary Robot model 5225, but I suppose that might not be cuddly enough.” “How about ‘Elwood’?” Visionary suggested. “Would you let go of the blue thing already?” Fleabot sighed. “I was thinking I might name him after me.” “Catbot?” “What? Too ‘Dilbert’?” “No… no, not at all” Visionary hastily assured. “It’s certainly more cuddly than, say, Flea-bag.” Fleabot snorted. “Well, there’s still a fair amount of work to do, but he’s coming together nicely. I can pick it up in the morning.” He detached the tiny cables from his head and jumped up to Visionary’s shoulder. “So, what did you want to do?” “Well, um… I actually still have a fair amount of my own Christmas shopping left to do…” the Regular admitted. “Ugh…” the little robot winced. “The mall?” Visionary shrugged. “Some holiday traditions die hard. But don’t worry… I’m determined to have all my Christmas presents bought and safely tucked away in the condo well before Christmas Eve this year” he assured him. “Honest, it’ll be the most stress-free December ever.” “Uh-huh…” Fleabot answered, sounding thoroughly unconvinced. “So what did you really think of the cat?” Visionary regarded his friend carefully. “I think it’ll be the best cat I’ve ever met.” “Have you met any cats other than Lisa’s?” “… and I think it will be a great gift…” he quickly continued. “I mean, having a loyal friend to hang out with… What more could anybody wish for?” Fleabot thought on that. “If I kept the goggles, I could probably give him x-ray eyes…” Visionary nodded. “Well, that was supposed to be rhetorical…” He noted as he turned off the lights to the lab, “…but way to think outside the box.” |
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